A General State

Sometimes, college is easy. Most terms I don’t have finals, tests are a thing of the past, and I am in a committed and happy relationship. I suppose those are the benefits of not only the school I attend, but the major I chose tends to favor the projects over the written tests. I wake up at 10am and have no rush to be anywhere. I work whatever hours work for my schedule and am very rarely late.

Other times, college is hard. I wish I could explain the struggles through which I trudge, but it seems that my position and standing are at no ones fault but my own and the life I have is more than privileged. But… sometimes when the days are long and I have stared at the same slide on a presentation for three hours, I begin to question my own sanity.

More often than not I find myself regretting many of the decisions I make. Should I have written the paper that way? Is this purchase worth the dollars I work far too hard for? Am I going to graduate on time if I take this class? Will I still feel loved if I do it another way?

Some questions that stress me far too much are never even the necessary ones, but to be honest they mean the most to me. Often times I find myself unable to sit though a movie or a television show without thinking about a million other responsibilities, so why would I give myself free time?

I suppose my assumptions about college stressed me out. I suppose my desire to graduate early stresses me out. I suppose the way I see the world is through a lens of stress and fear and sometimes I just want to stay in my bed for three days and pretend everything is going to be okay.

I suppose doing that is the easy way. And honestly, I can’t do the easy way because if I do… I am failing the expectations of myself.

So when I say college is hard, I mean that I make it hard for myself.

And no matter how many times a day I rethink my path in life, I honestly know no other way to do it, not would I do it any other way because I have seen nothing but success through these lenses, and I plan to keep climbing.

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